The Hypnotist: Mourinho’s Voodoo Fooling Nobody.

Following an early season pro-Mourinho article – Barney Ronay‘s laughable attempt to compare The Toxic One to…wait for it…Mike Tyson (!) – it seems a good time to refresh everyone’s drinks memories about the Portuguese bus-parker’s most impressive skill: rank hypocrisy.

Congratulations are indeed due to Manchester United for their 2-0 triumph against Ajax in the Europa league Final. A second trophy added to the 2016-17 collection and Champions league qualification secured. Job done.

But those celebrations.

Not the players’ celebrations.


And without the slightest hint of shame too. Let me take you back in time…

Jose Mourinho  in 2013: “I don’t want to win the Europa League. It would be a big disappointment for me. I don’t want my players to feel the Europa League is our competition.”

Jose Mourinho in 2015: “The Europa League is a different level of competition for a different level of player and a different level of club. It is not good for a big club to go there and win it.”

Jose Mourinho in May 2017:

Journalists still shamelessly refuse to call a spade a spade and instead seek to airbrush away all the nauseating humbug.

Here, Barney Ronay tries to paint Mourinho as some kind of soccer version of a classic champion counter-puncher with the skills of the Cus D’Amato trained undisputed world boxing champion Mike Tyson.

However one of the great things about Ronay‘s paper (The Guardian) is the Comments section.

They don’t let celebrity scribes get away with their BS so easily.

Over to you chaps: 

“Manchester Guardian plumbs new depths to justify Mourinho’s half billion squad parking the bus against Ajax’s upcoming squad of mostly talented kids. Attempting to find alignment with the genius tactics of Cus D’mato is an insult too far this Friday night.”

“To be fair disrupting your opponents plan is not a trait unique to Mourinho. In fact it’s pretty much the default tactic for any manager of a lesser team going against a better one.”

“So the genius is to have the most expensive side ever assembled, but to work out a plan to counter your opponents’ plan? I just need to check I have got this right. Surely if that is your planned way of playing, why bother spending all that money when you could do the same at a fraction of the cost?”

“It’s one thing to set your team out like Tony Pulis does when your team has the kinds of players Tony Pulis’ teams have. It’s a whole other story to do it when you’ve got the players Mourinho has.”

“…He won the European Coca-Cola Cup against a team that cost as much as one of his midfielders. He did it by f###### off the league and playing a B-team for several matches in front of fans who had paid a ####load of cash to (hopefully) watch something better. Three managers since Fergie and I have no idea which one made things more boring.”

“Spending hundreds of pounds on a season ticket watching the master tactician putting 9 defenders in front of his goalkeeper. Well, if that is your thing good luck.”

“Ok, United won, but the game was utter shite to watch and there was only one team trying to play attractive football…The point is, playing a destructive game to stop better players is fair enough. When you’ve actually got the better players, playing a destructive game is just a bit sad.”

“I wonder what Man U fans are doing the whole 90 minutes. Playing with their phones? Themselves? I mean, where are they getting their kick from during actual game time?”

“Mourinho’s approach to the game reflects his innate insecurities as a human being. In the big games, it always about caution and being happy to take a draw, in the hope that maybe a set-piece or a goal derived from an act of cheating might steal a win. But it’s never progressive or proactive. The likes of Klopp, Guardiola and even Wenger have no such insecurities about them and this is clearly evident in how their teams approach the game. Sure, sometimes they’ll be on the wrong end of a beating but any true football fan (if they were being honest) would prefer to watch any of these manager’s teams over Mourinho’s shit-on-a-stick strategy. And don’t even get me started on his pathetic blame-game routine when things don’t go his way.”

“Watching Mourinho teams is like stapling your sack to a wooden bench, but less amusing.” 

“For me it’s not really about the football or the tactics. It’s the man, plus the club plus the fans. On the bright side, all three things I dislike most about football are all in one place.”

“They spent more than £150 million and STILL ended up 6th… Why is there so much revisionism when it comes to Mourinho?”

the obsession with team, with winning by first of all preventing defeat, has its own kind of refined mathematics, even its own kind of poetry.

“Rubbish. I watched this game and it was an awful spectacle. Ajax played football – Man Utd stopped them and got a few fortuitous goals. No poetry there at all…just plenty of robotic play.

“Mourinho latterly has had some of the best resources in the world at his disposal and he makes them look like a plucky underdog from the lower divisions. Mourinho was always overrated and still is…wildly. His insolence has morphed into a sour uncivil malevolence.”

“I remember when Man U would have pissed in the pots they’re calling success now.”

No doubt he will spend another fortune this Summer….keep spending Jose. Keep delivering shite football.”

They paint quite a picture, don’t they?

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